Is it still paranoia if someone IS trying to get you?

I have no idea what’s been going on lately, but my body essentially wants to do nothing but sleep… sadly although I’ve been laying in bed almost 20+ hours a day the last few days, I’m still not getting shit for sleep. My birthday is this coming Friday so I’m guessing it may be related to my depression, but it’s beyond pissing me off at this point.

A lot of people tend to side one way or another on the “Windows vs. Mac” front and call people “Windows Fanboy” or “Mac Fanboy” respectively. No matter what side you fall on, you have to admit that Steve Jobs, one of the co-founders of Apple, Inc. was a wonderful inspiration to many people. He made so many innovations, not just to Apple but to the entire world.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.”

— Steve Jobs, Stanford University, 2005

As many people know, Mr. Jobs announced in mid-2004 that he was diagnosed with a rare form of Cancer and underwent a “Whipple Procedure” that summer to remove the tumor. In late 2008, early 2009 his health became a concern again that resulted in having a liver transplant in April 2009. A year and a half after the transplant in January 2011, Mr. Jobs once again took a medical leave from Apple to focus on his health. With multiple forms of health problems that continued, he announced near the end of August 2011 that he was resigning from Apple, stating in his internal Apple resignation that he could “no longer meet duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO”.

Sadly, Steve Jobs passed away on October 5th, 2011 at age 56. Apple confirmed his passing with the following statement:

We are deeply saddened to announce that Steve Jobs passed away today.

Steve’s brilliance, passion and energy were the source of countless innovations that enrich and improve all of our lives. The world is immeasurably better because of Steve.

His greatest love was for his wife, Laurene, and his family. Our hearts go out to them and to all who were touched by his extraordinary gifts.

*What I’m Watching or Listening to Now*
Just random stuff… nothing important…
*Random Question* OR *Random Quote*
“Dude, go f*** yourself!”
“With what?”

*Dates* – B = Birthday; E = Event; W = Weekend; X = Closed

*College*
Due to recent events, most of you know I haven’t finished my degree yet, and have been really thinking about how I’m going to proceed, be it the same college or elsewhere. I hope to finish where I started, but some things are making it difficult.

*Work*
See new “Dates” area for a few details of office closings.
I have so many projects that I need to work on and finish, but I can never seem to find the time or when I do, I can’t keep my focus.

*Medical*
A few months ago I mentioned about ‘over doing it’ at the Relay for Life and have been keeping a clearer view lately of my limitations. That part has gone back to as ‘normal’ as normal can be for me these days, however I ended up with other issues that started prior to the last post I made (not sure why I didn’t mention it then). I got an infection that caused a Temporomandibular Joint problem (essentially my jaw hinge got screwed and I couldn’t open my mouth). I spent a couple of weeks where I couldn’t even open my mouth far enough to take my pills without wedging them in there and damn near choking. So I was living on bottled water, Mountain Dew, and “Protein/Nutrition Drinks” (like “Boost” and “Ensure”) which taste like shit after your 50th bottle.
On the plus side, I found myself a new doctor to replace the asshole from February. She’s great, my first appointment with her we sat and talked about EVERYTHING medical from the start of the cancer onwards and ways of either explaining and/or treating most of the issues that have risen since then. I took this new type of antibiotics to ‘fix’ my jaw and although I still can’t open my mouth fully, I am able to open it about maybe 80-90% of normal, so I can finally eat without much problems. When the doctor checked my weight (Sept. 19) I sadly dropped to about 140 lbs. (down from about 165 range prior to cancer).
Another thing that had me worried (only a little) was the mass quantity of Ibuprofen I’ve been taking the last couple months since the last doctor cut all my medications. For those that don’t know, mass quantities of NSAID’s can cause hearing loss, but more importantly liver issues and since I was taking close to the recommended max daily for a prolonged period the new doctor ran blood work to check both my kidney’s and liver which thankfully returned normal results so I haven’t fucked them up (yet).

—
As the title of the post states, it’s the start of a New Year (Rosh Hashana). In fact, the current date (as of writing) is the 5th of Tishrei, 5772 meaning that New Years was less than a week ago. I didn’t get to fully celebrate this year, but I plan on making up for it in a few days with Yom Kippur, which I hope to spend with a certain person so I can make the most of it. This year my birthday falls on Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan, which is the 30th of Tishrei and for those curious, my actual date of birth was the 18th of Cheshvan, 5741 (which this year would translate to November 15th in the Gregorian Calendar).
More facts my readers probably don’t care about:
The year I was born, Chanukah was Dec. 2-10, but this year it’s Dec. 20-28, in both cases that’s ’24th of Kislev’ to ’2nd of Tevet’. Ok, I’m done with the lessons (for now)… I guess we’ll see if any of my readers comment on if this was fascinating info or I should just shut up about it.

*What I’m Watching or Listening to Now*
Doctor Who (2005) – S06E08 – Let’s Kill Hitler
*Random Question* OR *Random Quote*
Melody: “I need to get out of here now…”
The Doctor: “Anywhere in particular?”
Melody: “Well let’s see… You’ve got a time machine, I’ve got a gun, what the hell, let’s kill Hitler!”

*Dates* – B = Birthday; E = Event; W = Weekend; X = Closed

*College*
I’m an idiot… been too busy with shit and I missed the deadline to return for this session, so I hope I can work something out to return and finish sometime soon… Just need to get some other things in my life worked out first.

*Work*
See new “Dates” area for a few details of office closings.

*Updates/Upgrades*

Project being announced tomorrow on XBMC Forums.

I’ve been meaning to write for awhile and have so much on my mind, but sadly every time I sit down to start writing I can’t seem to think or put what I need to into words. Over the last month or so things have changed a lot, some good, some bad… mostly issues with my memory getting even worse. Lately it seems that if you ask me to recall something, if I can… no matter when it actually happened, it feels like it was about a week prior to current day. The other thing that’s been messing with my head lately is the fact that for years I’ve been the type of person that has VERY vivid dreams, however the last few weeks these dreams have included someone that has been dead for over a decade, yet the dreams take place in the present or future… Each time I wake up and remember she’s no longer around kind of throws my depression in overdrive… not because she’s gone per se, but because of how lonely it reminds me that I am.

On a positive note, Todd kind of talked me into continuing at least one of the short stories I started while in college as well as working on the novel I started almost a decade ago… I’m debating on what to do with them when I finish. He made the comparison of “That’s how Matt Damon started…” and I just laughed, cause even if someone other then myself considered this good writing, there’s no way it’d become the next “Good Will Hunting” or even a lame ass TV Movie. My ego isn’t large enough to think that anyone would give a shit about my life… “Oh, this poor guy has had a rough life… oh my god, he got cancer, even after fighting for his country…” blah… I understand there are more important people out there… some famous, some not, that have done things to actually change the world we live in and nothing in my shit life could really compare to that. In fact, if by a miracle they decided to turn my ‘novel’ into a movie, the reaction I would expect is “Wow, who wasted money on this crap? What’s so important about this asshole?” and “Um, who gives a shit?”

Anyway, since Doctor Who ended awhile ago, I’m going to finish watching the last of the PAX coverage from Destructoid before finishing the DLC for Borderlands while thinking of more to write (either here or part of the stories).